S1 E6 -When life breaks you

There will come a point in every man’s life when it all comes crumbling down, and you have nowhere to hide, and no one there to save you, and when that happens, the only way out is through.

 

A weight many of us carry

I’m tired man.

I dunno, I’ve just really been going through it lately…

I feel like I’m this close… to achieving everything I could ever want.

And I’m reaching so far to get it that I sometimes forget what’s right in front of me.

I really thought I would have my life together by now, but it’s all just falling apart…

And it takes everything I have just to hold

what’s left of it together.

And I don’t know how much more I can carry…

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

 

You will make it through

Sooner or later, life breaks all of us.

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but, you will come out stronger from this.

It might even be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

And if life feels pointless right now, congratulations brother, you have just been called to action.

Your purpose now is to look at that suffering, right in the eye, and come out on the other side of it. Not as a victim but as a survivor.

Bruised and scared, yes, but stronger and wiser because of it.

And when you DO get out on the other side of this thing, which you will.

You can become the light that shines hope for someone else who is going through it.

If you were your own best friend right now? What advice would you give yourself?

 

Catalyst events

Because… What do you do? When the future you envisioned falls apart in the blink of an eye?

When something you built from the ground up gets taken away from you?
When your health takes a turn for the worse, and life suddenly becomes all about survival? When your business is on the edge of collapse.
When you’re doing everything you can… and it’s still not enough?
When they frame you as the villain and you don’t know who to trust anymore?

And what do you do when all of those things, hits you at once?

Well… When there are no tears or anger left and after questioning your entire existence. You rebuild.

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ― J.K. Rowling

 

How to bounce back: 857 notes into 6 lessons

After going through my 857 notes from last year, trying to pinpoint what it was that allowed me to bounce back from one of the most challenging times in my life… Here is what I came up with:

• Express yourself
• Reinvent Yourself
• Be your own hero
• Choose yourself
• Find your pack
  

Let’s get into it.

Express yourself

Ride. Create. Lift. Journal. Cry. Run. Talk to someone. Whatever it is, let it out.

It might not feel good in the moment—real progress rarely does. Just know that you are making progress. Holding it in is only going to make it worse.

These videos are an outlet for me. A way to process what’s going on in my life. Learn from it and turn it into something useful, for someone else.

I try to zoom out and ask myself: “What is this trying to teach me?”

And if I could go back in time and give myself one piece of advice that I wish I started doing earlier. It would be: WRITE IT DOWN. It’s such a great way to grow. In all aspects of life.

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” — Sigmund Freud

 

Reinvent Yourself

The reflex we have when life is falling apart is to hold on or to rebuild what was.

But things usually fall apart for a reason, and this is your opportunity to build something new.

After ruminating for months and feeling sorry for myself, I eventually got to a point where I had to draw a line. I woke up one day after a minor breakdown and decided that enough is enough. I bought myself a silver necklace and crowned myself king. It might sound silly, but not as silly as feeling sorry for yourself without taking responsibility. From that point on I was no longer the victim; I was the survivor. And the necklace serves as a reminder of that.

You are not what happened to you; you are what you do with it.

I will not complain anymore, it’s behind me.

I will not feel sorry for myself anymore, it’s behind me.

And I started to show up like that—for myself and for the people around me.

Not that it wasn’t heavy anymore; I just decided to carry it better.

A simple, yet powerful mindset shift.

There is the victim version of you, and there is the survivor version of you. When you are done processing, bring out the latter.

“You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago” - Alan Watts

 

Be your own hero

I was recently rewatching the movie TROY. Achilles is a very inspiring character, leading his army, storming the beach, defying the kings, winning his battles, gets the girl, fights for what he believes in. Inspire others and lives free.

But these days, we don’t have a beach to storm, an army of Trojans to defeat, a captive woman to save, a cousin to avenge, or greedy kings to defy.

Or do we?

In a way, we do. The enemy just comes in different shapes and forms.

It might be an early morning, driving your kid to school, stuck in traffic, trying to make it to your Monday meeting without losing your sh*t.

It might be standing up for yourself, setting boundaries and having that tough conversation with the person you love.

It might be breaking free from what others expect from you, to do your own thing. — storming the beach of uncertainty, being the one that goes for it.

You can honor your history by living to the best of your ability. Making the most of life with the circumstances you have been given.

You can face the enemy head on by taking care of your problems, booking that doctor’s appointment, make that call, take the car to the workshop, or make a budget for the upcoming month. Or whatever it is you are avoiding.

It’s not as sexy as defeating Trojans shirtless on a beach in Greece, but it’s what we have to work with.

The choice to fight for what you believe in, is already yours. You just need to define what that is.

That’s the modern version of Achilles, the everyday hero.

Stop hoping for things to be different. Face what’s in front of you. Become your own hero. And I can almost promise you that the pieces will start to fall into place for you as well.

“To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Show up for yourself

Don’t underestimate the power of a simple f*ck it.

Now is the perfect time to stop burning yourself out as a people-pleaser and start showing up for yourself. Not in a selfish kind of way, but in an “I know my worth” kind of way.

The right people will stick around. The wrong people will leave. Win-win.

This is going to feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s just your nervous system readjusting for peace.

You will trigger people, and you will outgrow those who only liked you when you were easy to control.

But if being real is the cost of peace, charge me.

I think I tried a little too hard to please the people around me and worried a little too much about being liked. Letting go of that performance was quite refreshing.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first in order to keep moving forward.

And save some of that energy to yourself.

“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain” ― Jonathan Nolan, The Dark Knight

 

Find your pack

Most of my social circle was from my job and relationship, and that’s pretty common. losing both at the same time can be devastating. And it was… a kind of loneliness I never experienced before.

And building new relationships in your 30s isn’t always that easy.

But I had no other option.

Jung said: “No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown allies will come and seek you.”

People tend to gravitate towards those who know where they are going, and even if I lost just about everything, I never lost my vision.

And I was brave enough to reach out, and ask support.

This comeback wouldn’t have been possible without the people around me.

People who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. People who reminded me who I was, when I forgot.

I love you all.

Now I see… things were never really falling apart. They were falling into place. And the very thing that breaks you is the thing that makes you.

/Johan